I'm beside myself in tears... I am going to be sick... mum and dad are in tears... Jeff was in tears... Steven, had to pull us together...
the ambulance is still at nan's... everyone is crying...

my whole world crashed around me when Steven told me what happened... nothing... NOTHING... can ever come close to this pain, not in a million years...

Mum spoke to him just this morning... JUST this morning... I can't believe you're really gone...

I wanted to see you, but I was never strong... done nothing good... I wanted you to believe we were happy, here, and take your last memories of us with you with us happy... how could I preserve that for you, if all I ever did was cry...? I'm sorry...

I love you every day, from the moment I was small, to now, and in the future when I'm old and grey, nothing will stop me being proud... you did so much in your life to be proud of... and that's what made you shine, was how you touched people's lives with magic, and made them happy...
there's another angel in heaven, now... and another less man who spreads joy in this depressing world...

I just wanted to say that you're missed so much, every day, too, times when I couldn't be there... you and Nan are the darlings of my heart, and the relatives I was always closest too... even Dad... even Dad was upset, I hope that you'll see he does make us all very happy, and that we're well cared for... just as we'll care for nan...

God... I wish I had the courage to go to you... but I phoned whenever I could, it was the only thing to stop me from crying infront of you, crying as hard as I am now... it feels like a massive chunk has been taken from me... and you were in so much pain... it hurts that nobody understands how killer cancers are... and how lightly they treat it... how could anyone, ANYONE, treat a man like you so lightly...? We all love you so much...

We never told you that your sister passed away a week before... but I hope that... wherever you both are, now, you can be happy together... I only met Nora once, but she was a kind and generous woman, just as you were a kind and generous man, both well loved by your kids and grandkids, who you loved equally powerfully in return...

I'll never stop loving you... and I will never forget you...

rest in piece, Grandad...